Drum roll please!
*clears throat*
As of yesterday afternoon, I weighed in at 273.4 -- exactly six pounds less than last week's count. That comes up to 16.6lbs lost total over the last month. Which means...
I have officially exceeded my 5% weight loss goal!!
*much dancing ensues*
I can't even begin to tell you guys how exciting this is. It took a month to lose what I'd gained in a year and a half. And this is what continues to boggle me -- it keeps coming off! Provided that I keep to my routine and eat those things that I've grown used to, it's almost like I'm not even trying. Even that great monthly enemy hasn't kept me down this week. Not to say that the bad days are gone...to the contrary, they happen on a weekly basis. But! The cravings have become a bit easier to manage, and I now avoid the snack aisle like the plague. Zumba continues to be fun, which has helped tremendously.
I'm sure that eventually things will start slowing down, and I'll level off at just over a pound a week, maybe. And that's fine -- it's as it should be. It's the small victories that make the cravings and occasional monotony so worth it.
So where to go from here? I certainly can't rest on my laurels. My next goal will be 10% of my starting weight -- losing an additional 14.5lbs, which makes my weight goal 261 pounds. I know I can do it. It may take another month. Maybe a little more. But I'm already two pounds into the new goal, so it's already looking optimistic!
Challenges for this weekend: I turn 27 on Sunday, which means two things. 1.) I drop another point, and 2.) there will be much food in celebration. So while I fully plan to enjoy myself, I can also control what I eat. Here's hoping that I won't have gained anything back by this time next week.
16 February 2011
06 February 2011
Lessons from a Church Retreat
Well.
The Super Bowl was effectively the last nail in the coffin that was my weekend.
On the weight loss end of things, it did not go well. Anyone familiar with retreats of any kind understands how one's schedule and eating routine gets all jacked up from not being at home. I knew that would be a danger, of course. Any time you stay for several days in a nice place with breakfast buffets you run the risk of throwing caution to the wind. Especially when said buffet includes thick-cut bacon and biscuits & gravy. Overall, I don't think it was quite as bad as I'd feared, but there was definite room for improvement. And I have yet to truly weight myself -- that will come some time tomorrow morning. I'm a little afraid of what I'll see.
One thing worth noting, however: my body has been complaining at me for eating so much rich food. Surprising how quickly you get used to eating simpler things. It's not been quite a month since starting, and already one big, rich meal leaves me feeling a bit yucky. While I'm not impressed with my lack of willpower, at least there's some hope. My mind is in the right direction, which will make getting back onto the path that much easier. Back to basics tomorrow!
So I made some mistakes. It happens. I'm not beating myself up about it (like I said, it could've been much, much worse). But I had a great time -- the purpose of the retreat, of course, was spiritual refreshment. I've come away from it feeling better than I have in a long, long time. There is a peace in my soul about my place on this earth and a definite sense that God has big plans for me. I'm not sure what they are yet, but there is a willingness to do whatever or go wherever He calls me. And I wouldn't trade that confidence for anything.
The Super Bowl was effectively the last nail in the coffin that was my weekend.
On the weight loss end of things, it did not go well. Anyone familiar with retreats of any kind understands how one's schedule and eating routine gets all jacked up from not being at home. I knew that would be a danger, of course. Any time you stay for several days in a nice place with breakfast buffets you run the risk of throwing caution to the wind. Especially when said buffet includes thick-cut bacon and biscuits & gravy. Overall, I don't think it was quite as bad as I'd feared, but there was definite room for improvement. And I have yet to truly weight myself -- that will come some time tomorrow morning. I'm a little afraid of what I'll see.
One thing worth noting, however: my body has been complaining at me for eating so much rich food. Surprising how quickly you get used to eating simpler things. It's not been quite a month since starting, and already one big, rich meal leaves me feeling a bit yucky. While I'm not impressed with my lack of willpower, at least there's some hope. My mind is in the right direction, which will make getting back onto the path that much easier. Back to basics tomorrow!
So I made some mistakes. It happens. I'm not beating myself up about it (like I said, it could've been much, much worse). But I had a great time -- the purpose of the retreat, of course, was spiritual refreshment. I've come away from it feeling better than I have in a long, long time. There is a peace in my soul about my place on this earth and a definite sense that God has big plans for me. I'm not sure what they are yet, but there is a willingness to do whatever or go wherever He calls me. And I wouldn't trade that confidence for anything.
02 February 2011
Woe to the Innocent
We've all been there -- that dark place where we face that which haunts us. It calls to us, providing a way from the pre-determined path to a land of ease. But when we follow it we find ourselves misled. And try as we might to escape, we are held captive by that which first enticed us.
You know of that which I speak.
The siren song of the snack aisle.
In Book 12 of The Odyssey, the goddess Circe warns Odysseus that he and his men will encounter Sirens, deadly creatures of beautiful song. The only way to avoid the danger is to plug the men's ears with beeswax and have Odysseus tied to the mast until they are well away from the Sirens' song.
I've often mentioned my love affair with cheese puffs. There is a very good reason why we don't keep them in the house -- they are the only snack food I absolutely cannot make myself stop eating. I couldn't tell you what it is about them. Whether it's the flavor, the texture, the smell...I really don't know. But once a bag is open, it's hours are numbered. (Yes, I said hours. I don't think an open bag has ever lasted more than a couple days in this house.) But in the interest of succeeding in this venture, we had more or less banned most snack food from our larder. It's worked out pretty well so far. Till this past weekend when I got an almost pregnancy-like craving for the things.
It's been horrible, let me tell you. So when Mom and I stopped in Publix this evening, the siren song seemed worse than usual. It's times like this when I wish it were as simple a matter as plugging my ears or closing my eyes to all the delicious goodies on display. But it's not. And sadly, willpower isn't always strong enough to resist the call of the cheese puff.
...maybe next time I'll just strap myself to the car. It worked for Odysseus.
You know of that which I speak.
The siren song of the snack aisle.
In Book 12 of The Odyssey, the goddess Circe warns Odysseus that he and his men will encounter Sirens, deadly creatures of beautiful song. The only way to avoid the danger is to plug the men's ears with beeswax and have Odysseus tied to the mast until they are well away from the Sirens' song.
I've often mentioned my love affair with cheese puffs. There is a very good reason why we don't keep them in the house -- they are the only snack food I absolutely cannot make myself stop eating. I couldn't tell you what it is about them. Whether it's the flavor, the texture, the smell...I really don't know. But once a bag is open, it's hours are numbered. (Yes, I said hours. I don't think an open bag has ever lasted more than a couple days in this house.) But in the interest of succeeding in this venture, we had more or less banned most snack food from our larder. It's worked out pretty well so far. Till this past weekend when I got an almost pregnancy-like craving for the things.
It's been horrible, let me tell you. So when Mom and I stopped in Publix this evening, the siren song seemed worse than usual. It's times like this when I wish it were as simple a matter as plugging my ears or closing my eyes to all the delicious goodies on display. But it's not. And sadly, willpower isn't always strong enough to resist the call of the cheese puff.
...maybe next time I'll just strap myself to the car. It worked for Odysseus.
Here's a Tip...
Don't weigh yourself before bed. Especially if you weighed yourself in the morning. I just stepped off the scale, and it told me I'd gained three pounds over the course of the day. O_o And while I know it's just weight fluctuation and digesting food, I liked this morning's number much better.
Anyway!
It's been nearly a week since my last update. And what a week. After dropping three pounds in as many days, I thought I was done -- especially once the weekend started. It was not kind to me, though I did try. Weekends are difficult around here because everyone is home, and our eating schedules get thrown all out of whack. Then there's the "fun" aspect of the weekend, at least in regards to food. We want to do something special for lunch on Saturday. And Sunday evening has always been "fun food" night. Usually someone will run up to Zaxby's. This weekend it was a $5 pizza from Little Caesar's. So amid all that I didn't think I'd fared too well. It was with some fear and trepidation that I stepped on the scale Monday afternoon.
Would you believe it? It told me I'd lost 6.8 pounds last week. THREE MORE than what I'd counted on Thursday. I thought Sarah would start cartwheeling she was so excited, though I was too shocked to do much of anything, lol. Who in the world has a 6.8 loss in one week?? Isn't that usually for people who eat lettuce and work out like crazy? But hey. I'm more than happy to claim it. At this rate, I should hit my 5% goal sometime this week -- well before my birthday deadline.
Due to dropping into the 270's, I've also dropped a point. So now my daily value is 37 points -- still plenty to eat well (and things that I like) without having to delve into the flex points. I would imagine that as more points drop that will probably change. One of the biggest "point wasters" is the real mayo on my turkey sandwiches. I keep it at a serving, but three points for one tablespoon of the stuff is a bit much. And yes, I've tried fat free mayo. And it's nasty. Like, revolting nasty. If only I liked mustard...
Guess that's a bridge I'll cross when it comes.
Again, thank you guys SO MUCH for all your love and support. I seriously couldn't do this without all the encouragement. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I love you for it!
Anyway!
It's been nearly a week since my last update. And what a week. After dropping three pounds in as many days, I thought I was done -- especially once the weekend started. It was not kind to me, though I did try. Weekends are difficult around here because everyone is home, and our eating schedules get thrown all out of whack. Then there's the "fun" aspect of the weekend, at least in regards to food. We want to do something special for lunch on Saturday. And Sunday evening has always been "fun food" night. Usually someone will run up to Zaxby's. This weekend it was a $5 pizza from Little Caesar's. So amid all that I didn't think I'd fared too well. It was with some fear and trepidation that I stepped on the scale Monday afternoon.
Would you believe it? It told me I'd lost 6.8 pounds last week. THREE MORE than what I'd counted on Thursday. I thought Sarah would start cartwheeling she was so excited, though I was too shocked to do much of anything, lol. Who in the world has a 6.8 loss in one week?? Isn't that usually for people who eat lettuce and work out like crazy? But hey. I'm more than happy to claim it. At this rate, I should hit my 5% goal sometime this week -- well before my birthday deadline.
Due to dropping into the 270's, I've also dropped a point. So now my daily value is 37 points -- still plenty to eat well (and things that I like) without having to delve into the flex points. I would imagine that as more points drop that will probably change. One of the biggest "point wasters" is the real mayo on my turkey sandwiches. I keep it at a serving, but three points for one tablespoon of the stuff is a bit much. And yes, I've tried fat free mayo. And it's nasty. Like, revolting nasty. If only I liked mustard...
Guess that's a bridge I'll cross when it comes.
Again, thank you guys SO MUCH for all your love and support. I seriously couldn't do this without all the encouragement. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I love you for it!
27 January 2011
I'm Walkin' on Sunshine! (Whoa-oh!)
This will be short since I only have a couple things to say tonight.
1. Zumba was AWESOME. Some of the moves still hurt like crazy, but I managed to keep up through most of the songs. And I feel great. Some stiffness, but I'll get to sleep it off. No work tomorrow!
2. Crazy news: I've lost three pounds. SINCE MONDAY. That nine-hour work day? Totally did it for me this week. That brings me down to 281.6. I may actually make my 5% goal by my birthday! (Which will put me back to where I was my last time at the doctor.)
Plans for tomorrow: walking/hanging out w/ Sis, then having dinner/craft night with a great friend. So wish I could bottle how I feel right now. This isn't impossible! And I love it!
1. Zumba was AWESOME. Some of the moves still hurt like crazy, but I managed to keep up through most of the songs. And I feel great. Some stiffness, but I'll get to sleep it off. No work tomorrow!
2. Crazy news: I've lost three pounds. SINCE MONDAY. That nine-hour work day? Totally did it for me this week. That brings me down to 281.6. I may actually make my 5% goal by my birthday! (Which will put me back to where I was my last time at the doctor.)
Plans for tomorrow: walking/hanging out w/ Sis, then having dinner/craft night with a great friend. So wish I could bottle how I feel right now. This isn't impossible! And I love it!
26 January 2011
My Stream-of-Conscious Takes a Stroll
Ah, Zumba. You are both bane and blessing. Where else could I find two one-hour aerobic classes a week for free? But the pain... The PAIN. Ugh.
Monday's class went really well; I actually remembered most of the steps! And despite fiber-induced gas pains, I managed to stick it out the entire hour (which was thoroughly enjoyable). It was a great way to celebrate my first official loss since starting -- as of Monday afternoon, I'm 1.8 pounds lighter! That brings my current total loss at 4.2 pounds. It was very gratifying to see that on the scale. To be honest, I didn't feel any different, and there was considerable fear that I hadn't lost anything at all. But there it was: proof that eating smarter does indeed make a difference!
So again, Monday night was a blast. I felt good and tired afterwards, compared to the immediate pain I'd felt after my first class last week. Little did I know that it was biding its time, waiting to sneak up on me while I slept.
Cue yesterday morning, 4:45 am. The alarm jerked me awake from a dead sleep. I lay there for a while dreading the thought of actually getting out of bed. I knew it would hurt. Quite frankly, I'm surprised I didn't wake anyone else up with my zombie-esque shambling around. And it didn't let up much once work started, which was bad since we got a surprise 8k units added to the 4.8k already scheduled . . . turning a three hour day into nine excruciating hours. The stiffness wouldn't have even been that bad if my feet hadn't started acting up again, too. I'd planned on going for my afternoon walk after work, but by the time I got off it was all I could do to hobble out to the car and get myself home.
That's kind of where I'm at right now. Other than Zumba, I haven't done anything active beyond what's required for work. (Granted, that's a day full of walking, but still.) My feet just hurt too much. I'm attributing much of that to old shoes and the fact that this is the first week I've really worked a normal schedule since Christmas. I'm praying it gets better soon -- I miss my walks (and spending time in Barnes & Noble afterwards.)
Other thoughts that I've had this week: other than dealing with some pain, this whole venture has been remarkably easy so far. Why has it taken me this long to do anything about my health? And so much has changed already. My portions are smaller, and I'm actually feeling full after just a fraction of what I'm used to eating. I haven't even really needed my flex points, which is a shock. And vegetables? They don't scare me. Not like they used to. I'm actually finding myself craving things like brussel sprouts and peas and carrots. What's wrong with me?!? Who is this new person running around in my head?? It's the most bizarre thing, and I'm having a hard time reconciling this new way of thinking with how I view myself.
And there's that ambiguous thing called self-image. Like it was mentioned in my first post, I've always been considerably overweight. I hit 90lbs in third grade; 200lbs in seventh. I was never the princess or romantic figure in any game or play. For years I don't think I was ever actually treated like a girl, just a human with female parts. All people see (or as I've forever told myself) is the fat. All they see some fat girl who isn't worth their time. So why should I aspire to anything else? Actually writing that down makes me sound crazy. But it's how I've always seen myself. And at the same time, the thought of eventually losing all the extra weight (essentially half of my current self) is terrifying. I don't know that person. I can't visualize her at all.
This is going to be a long journey. Guess I'll find out who I really am along the way.
Monday's class went really well; I actually remembered most of the steps! And despite fiber-induced gas pains, I managed to stick it out the entire hour (which was thoroughly enjoyable). It was a great way to celebrate my first official loss since starting -- as of Monday afternoon, I'm 1.8 pounds lighter! That brings my current total loss at 4.2 pounds. It was very gratifying to see that on the scale. To be honest, I didn't feel any different, and there was considerable fear that I hadn't lost anything at all. But there it was: proof that eating smarter does indeed make a difference!
So again, Monday night was a blast. I felt good and tired afterwards, compared to the immediate pain I'd felt after my first class last week. Little did I know that it was biding its time, waiting to sneak up on me while I slept.
Cue yesterday morning, 4:45 am. The alarm jerked me awake from a dead sleep. I lay there for a while dreading the thought of actually getting out of bed. I knew it would hurt. Quite frankly, I'm surprised I didn't wake anyone else up with my zombie-esque shambling around. And it didn't let up much once work started, which was bad since we got a surprise 8k units added to the 4.8k already scheduled . . . turning a three hour day into nine excruciating hours. The stiffness wouldn't have even been that bad if my feet hadn't started acting up again, too. I'd planned on going for my afternoon walk after work, but by the time I got off it was all I could do to hobble out to the car and get myself home.
That's kind of where I'm at right now. Other than Zumba, I haven't done anything active beyond what's required for work. (Granted, that's a day full of walking, but still.) My feet just hurt too much. I'm attributing much of that to old shoes and the fact that this is the first week I've really worked a normal schedule since Christmas. I'm praying it gets better soon -- I miss my walks (and spending time in Barnes & Noble afterwards.)
Other thoughts that I've had this week: other than dealing with some pain, this whole venture has been remarkably easy so far. Why has it taken me this long to do anything about my health? And so much has changed already. My portions are smaller, and I'm actually feeling full after just a fraction of what I'm used to eating. I haven't even really needed my flex points, which is a shock. And vegetables? They don't scare me. Not like they used to. I'm actually finding myself craving things like brussel sprouts and peas and carrots. What's wrong with me?!? Who is this new person running around in my head?? It's the most bizarre thing, and I'm having a hard time reconciling this new way of thinking with how I view myself.
And there's that ambiguous thing called self-image. Like it was mentioned in my first post, I've always been considerably overweight. I hit 90lbs in third grade; 200lbs in seventh. I was never the princess or romantic figure in any game or play. For years I don't think I was ever actually treated like a girl, just a human with female parts. All people see (or as I've forever told myself) is the fat. All they see some fat girl who isn't worth their time. So why should I aspire to anything else? Actually writing that down makes me sound crazy. But it's how I've always seen myself. And at the same time, the thought of eventually losing all the extra weight (essentially half of my current self) is terrifying. I don't know that person. I can't visualize her at all.
This is going to be a long journey. Guess I'll find out who I really am along the way.
22 January 2011
Zumba vs. Chicken Fried
All right. Confession time.
My cravings aren't sweet. I don't cave at the sight of doughnuts or candy. Cakes, brownies, and ice cream hold no lasting pleasure for me. Even my mother's chocolate chip cookies, while amazing (indeed, they are the best in the world), do not reduce me to a slavering blob of humanity. No, my palette responds to the savory things of this world -- the cheesy, the greasy, the batter-dipped and trans fat-laden.
Hello there. My name is Becky, and I'm a charter member of Fried Foods Anonymous.
I suppose I'll probably always hold that membership. And while my tastes have started changing this week (something I didn't believe would actually happen), there is still so much weakness when it comes to the fried goodies. Take this past Thursday for example: the week had gone really, really well so far. I'd kept up with my points and even managed a couple 30-minute walks around a major outdoor shopping center here in town. Around 5pm Thursday afternoon, I'd already finished my walk and was browsing around Barnes & Noble for awhile before meeting my sister for Zumba later in the evening. It was supper time, and I knew that I needed to eat enough to get me through an hour of aerobic dancing. (If you've never been to a class before, imagine that Richard Simmons and Ricky Martin had a love child. That's what Zumba is like.)
Anyway.
Mistake #1: I didn't leave the house with a dinner plan already in mind. The Fiber One bar I'd packed in my purse had since been eaten. Given that I was already out, it made no sense to go all the way home for food and then go back out. So there were too many choices.
Mistake #2: My emotions picked out the meal. After finally settling on Chick-fil-a, I walked in intending to get the grilled chicken sandwich and either a cole slaw or fruit cup. But my resolve wavered upon actually looking at the menu. And the smell...
I caved. It was my usual -- a Chick-fil-a sandwich (no pickle) and a medium waffle fries. And it was great...for the first two or three bites. And then a couple things happened that I didn't expect. One, I felt so guilty for caving in to something so trivial. And two, it actually didn't taste as good as I'd thought. Apparently, my tastes have changed more than expected this week. It actually got to where I didn't even want any more after about half the meal was gone.
Mistake #3: I didn't stop when my body said stop. I couldn't throw out good food! I'd paid money for this, and I was going to finish. So I did. But again, it wasn't as good as I'd thought it would be. There was a slimy residue on my tongue, and I don't think I've ever felt dirty after consuming a piece of fried chicken before. It was very disappointing.
My saving grace that night however, was Zumba.
It's really not as horrible as it sounds. My sister, a mutual friend, and I arrived at the church about 10-15 minutes before the start of class. We got our water bottles and found spots together in the (very) crowded gym. I was both excited and nervous. It helped that there was such a variety of people attending this week. I still had visions of high school aerobics where 99% of the people involved had never been overweight. But there was such a range of women -- in both size and age -- that I felt immediately comfortable. And the instructor seemed like a really nice lady. By the time the music started, it was too late to run (even though I did briefly consider it), and so I flailed along as best as I could.
Thankfully, I had a really great time, for all that it had nearly killed me. After an hour of sweating and moving in ways I've never moved before, I'd gained 14 activity points -- effectively beating off that chicken sandwich with the proverbial stick. We hobbled out to the car and joked about how much pain we were in on the way home, but at the same time I wondered if this was really worth that pain. The sweating and burning, the cutting back. Those nights when all I want are cheese puffs or fries but have an apple instead. The worry that maybe I'm not doing enough. That I won't have lost any more weight the next time it's checked. I hope it's all worth this.
My cravings aren't sweet. I don't cave at the sight of doughnuts or candy. Cakes, brownies, and ice cream hold no lasting pleasure for me. Even my mother's chocolate chip cookies, while amazing (indeed, they are the best in the world), do not reduce me to a slavering blob of humanity. No, my palette responds to the savory things of this world -- the cheesy, the greasy, the batter-dipped and trans fat-laden.
Hello there. My name is Becky, and I'm a charter member of Fried Foods Anonymous.
I suppose I'll probably always hold that membership. And while my tastes have started changing this week (something I didn't believe would actually happen), there is still so much weakness when it comes to the fried goodies. Take this past Thursday for example: the week had gone really, really well so far. I'd kept up with my points and even managed a couple 30-minute walks around a major outdoor shopping center here in town. Around 5pm Thursday afternoon, I'd already finished my walk and was browsing around Barnes & Noble for awhile before meeting my sister for Zumba later in the evening. It was supper time, and I knew that I needed to eat enough to get me through an hour of aerobic dancing. (If you've never been to a class before, imagine that Richard Simmons and Ricky Martin had a love child. That's what Zumba is like.)
Anyway.
Mistake #1: I didn't leave the house with a dinner plan already in mind. The Fiber One bar I'd packed in my purse had since been eaten. Given that I was already out, it made no sense to go all the way home for food and then go back out. So there were too many choices.
Mistake #2: My emotions picked out the meal. After finally settling on Chick-fil-a, I walked in intending to get the grilled chicken sandwich and either a cole slaw or fruit cup. But my resolve wavered upon actually looking at the menu. And the smell...
I caved. It was my usual -- a Chick-fil-a sandwich (no pickle) and a medium waffle fries. And it was great...for the first two or three bites. And then a couple things happened that I didn't expect. One, I felt so guilty for caving in to something so trivial. And two, it actually didn't taste as good as I'd thought. Apparently, my tastes have changed more than expected this week. It actually got to where I didn't even want any more after about half the meal was gone.
Mistake #3: I didn't stop when my body said stop. I couldn't throw out good food! I'd paid money for this, and I was going to finish. So I did. But again, it wasn't as good as I'd thought it would be. There was a slimy residue on my tongue, and I don't think I've ever felt dirty after consuming a piece of fried chicken before. It was very disappointing.
My saving grace that night however, was Zumba.
It's really not as horrible as it sounds. My sister, a mutual friend, and I arrived at the church about 10-15 minutes before the start of class. We got our water bottles and found spots together in the (very) crowded gym. I was both excited and nervous. It helped that there was such a variety of people attending this week. I still had visions of high school aerobics where 99% of the people involved had never been overweight. But there was such a range of women -- in both size and age -- that I felt immediately comfortable. And the instructor seemed like a really nice lady. By the time the music started, it was too late to run (even though I did briefly consider it), and so I flailed along as best as I could.
Thankfully, I had a really great time, for all that it had nearly killed me. After an hour of sweating and moving in ways I've never moved before, I'd gained 14 activity points -- effectively beating off that chicken sandwich with the proverbial stick. We hobbled out to the car and joked about how much pain we were in on the way home, but at the same time I wondered if this was really worth that pain. The sweating and burning, the cutting back. Those nights when all I want are cheese puffs or fries but have an apple instead. The worry that maybe I'm not doing enough. That I won't have lost any more weight the next time it's checked. I hope it's all worth this.
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